The Top 10 Things You Should Never Say to Your Child
Kim Greene
10. Not the Pabst, stupid, the Boone's Farm! The Boone's Farm!
9. Why can't you be quiet like that kid whose tongue got stuck in the snowplow?
8. You look just like Dana Plato when you wave that .32.
7. Will you quit playing the autism card already?
6. So, kids, make up your mind. Do you want "Caligula" or "Boxing Helena"?
5. Daddy, Grandpa, Hal, whatever.
4. Eat all your pork rinds and then you can have dessert.
3. Don't answer the door for anyone, unless he shows you his SDI eligibility card and has at least one leg.
2. Did I ever, son! But back then we called it crank.
And the #1 Thing You Should Never End Up Saying to Your Child:
1. The great thing about platelets, kiddo, is they never run out.
 Loafer's #12, Autumn 1998
The final issue. Included a Loafitorial and Loaferlist by Sherrod Blankner "A List of Books I Read This Year"; Sasquatch comix by Steve Willis; Yellow Pepper and Mushroom Risotto by Janice Rideout; Karin Fodness compares the nude beaches of California and Wisconsin; Andrew Clason's Maltese Journal; an ode to a Southern Tree by his father, Robert Clason; Interview with John Lund; the (un)Official Cuntry/Pussific Symbols list by Janice; the Three Little Wolves by Lori Ellison; Boart Longyear's Existential dilemma; bizarre art by Bo Davis and John Schilling and Steve Willis; much more. Cover of Janice and Peter's three cats by Sherrod Blankner.
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